The Texans Are All-In

I have to shout out an H-Town clone today. Because this particular H-Town clone has had a pretty huge week. In fact this H-Town clone actually had a pretty huge year. And he also happens to have a pretty huge job. Because this H-Town clone just so happens to run the Houston Texans.

But to be clear, I’m not high on Nick Caserio’s offseason because the dude is a golden-ticket-holding, Jeff-in-Richmond-loving, card-carrying clone. I appreciate that he’s all of those things. I love that he’s all of those things. But that’s not why I think he’s having a huge week and a huge offseason. 

I think he’s having a huge week and a huge offseason because he’s having a huge week and a huge offseason. And I know I'm not alone in that take. But I will admit, the internet was a little divided by the latest news out of Houston yesterday. Which was the announcement of a pretty shocking wrinkle in the Stefon Diggs trade:

Adam Schefter @adamschefter

Added incentive for Stefon Diggs: As part of the Buffalo-Houston trade, the Texans wiped out the final three years on Diggs’ contract, giving him the ability to become a free agent after this season, league sources tell ESPN. The Texans also took the $3.5 million guaranteed to Diggs next season and moved up into this season, giving him a raise and assuring him of $22.52 million in guaranteed money in 2024.

Wild, right? So wild that at first it doesn't even compute. Houston traded a second round pick for a dude with four years left on his contract, only to wipe the final three years off that contract and pay him more this season than they had to. Huh?

Let me help you figure out what's happening here... The Texans are all-in. For real all-in. AKA the total opposite of Jerruh’s version of all-in. [DROP JERRUH ALL IN]

As out there as this arrangement with Diggs might SEEM, I absolutely love it. The Texans are trying to maximize next season in any way they can. And that includes incentivizing Diggs to ball the hell out. 

If you think about it this way, it’s a win/win: If Diggs does ball the hell out and makes them regret wiping these years off, Houston will be totally fine with that. They'd be thrilled with that. That's exactly what they want to happen. And if smack talking Buffalo fan is right, and Diggs is in decline, or is a malcontent, or both, and those final three years would have been dead weight, well Houston is already covered there. Really, it's a huge swing with SOME risk.  BUT NO RISK, NOT REWARD, AND IN THIS CASE, SOME RISK WITH THE POSIBILITY OF A HUGE REWARD: In other words, another really smart big swing for the smartest and best dude in the room, Nick Caserio. 

The main thing is the Texans aren’t worried about two or three or four years down the road right now. They’re worried about right now, right now. The main thing is the main thing and the main thing is lifting a Lombardi next February in New Orleans. They’re not looking to take part, they’re looking to take OVER.

They’re focused on maximizing their young star QB on his rookie contract and that means they’re about pouring everything possible into an all-in approach. And again, I love that approach. I love that they’re aggressively pursuing that approach.

Not gonna lie, I also love that it dunks all over Jerruh. Clone Caserio posterized Jerruh this week worse than the Dallas mayor. Although the Dallas mayor trying to recruit the Chiefs to Big D was pretty hilarious too. I mean of course the Dallas mayor wants a real winner in town. Of course the Dallas mayor wants a team in town that doesn’t just run their Jerruh-atric gums about winning but actually wins something.

It really has been an amazing few months for Jerruh and Them Cowboys. Curb stomped as home favorites in the playoffs, then promising everyone they’re "all in" on next season, then doing absolutely nothing to deliver on that promise while the other team across the state completely shows them up. 

Jerruh’s idea of “all-in” is ignoring Derrick Henry and resigning Rico Dowdle, no offense to Rico Dowdle, but also, what’s a Rico Dowdle? 

No kidding Jerruh. Your definition and Nick Caserio’s definition are really different too. Because Caserio’s idea of all-in is trading for Stefon Diggs and boosting his motivation in the process and trading for Joe Mixon and signing Danielle Hunter and signing Denico Autry and signing Azeez Al-Shaair. AKA adding impact starters to an already very talented team that just won a playoff game.

In fact, according to CBS Sports, Caserio is the first GM in NFL history to add a player coming off a 100+ catch season (Diggs, obviously), a player coming off a 1000+ yard rushing season (Mixon, obviously), AND a player coming off a 10+ sack season. And he actually added two of those, because both Hunter and Autry had more than ten sacks last season. YO JERRUH, YOU TAKING NOTES BRO?

So no, I’m not worried that Houston spent a 2025 second round pick for only one year of Stefon Diggs. Especially since they’ve set Diggs up to go crazy in that one year. There’s way too much good in this situation to worry that a second round pick in next year’s draft somehow ruins it. Clone Caserio is taking a huge swing on the here and now and I could not be more about it.

As for you Mafia, I'm a lot less high on where things are headed for you right now. In fact, it looks a lot like your window is closing as the Texans’ window flies all the way open. But at least your GM came out this week and said the right things… Mafia let me know if Brandon Beane makes you feel any better with this answer. 

Yeah funny thing about trading your #1 wide receiver… that usually doesn’t come across as trying to win. Trading your star receiver who made the Pro Bowl in all four seasons with your team seems like the opposite of trying to win. There’s a pretty good reason people are having a hard time seeing that as trying to win.  And Beane wouldn’t say whether or not Diggs asked for a trade or not.  I don’t know if he did.  Just as I don’t know if they didn’t he was no longer worth the trouble: that his productivity no longer exceeded the drama.  I have no idea how it wall went down: but mafia, even Diggs isn’t what he used to be, he’s still dangerous.  And you’re not better today than you were earlier in the week when you still had him.

But Beane is right about one thing, there is still time to fix this. There is still time to bring in another big time target for JOSH ALLEN. I know they would love it if JOSH ALLEN could just throw to JOSH ALLEN. I'm sure Buffalo would love it if they could just field a full team of JOSH ALLENS. 22 JOSH ALLENS plus a JOSH ALLEN to punt and a JOSH ALLEN to kick. Nothing but JOSH ALLENS. Just like I'm sure Big Head wants nothing more than to just keep smashing that JOSH ALLEN button for the rest of the show. 

Look JOSH ALLEN can't do it alone, but at least the Bills have JOSH ALLEN. Mafia, you can at least hold onto that for hope. The Texans, on the other hand, have way more reasons for optimism right now. And NICK Caserio is absolutely one of them... That clone is right near the top of the list of reasons to love the Texans. And not just because he's a clone.  But because he’s smart as hell, disciplined as hell, all in on bettering his franchise and himself and there isn’t an executive in that league who is doing a better job than Nick Caserio right now: h-town, you’re lucky as hell to have: Nick Caserio is the one dude who left the patriots and absolutely is killing the game: he’d be the first to tell, that wasn’t always the case, but he stayed course, planned his work, worked his plan and now you have straight up, legitimate super contender in h-town. So put some freaking respect on the jungle’s most successful clone, Nick Freaking Caserio.