Sean Payton vs Jets

You very rarely ever see coach on coach crime in the NFL. Don’t get me wrong, I love to see it. I love to see it, I just rarely see it. And I don’t actually think that was Sean Payton’s goal when he spouted off to USA Today this week. 

I don't think Sean Payton’s crosshairs were necessarily fixed on Bob Saleh or really even the Jets in general when he gave up those quotes. Bob Saleh and company just got caught up in the shrapnel. Which I’m sure they don’t mind, because it just gave Robert Receipts some unbelievable material for his favorite shoebox. And the biggest bulletin board he can find at One Jets Drive.

If you missed these scuds fired off by Sean Payton this week, what he was really trying to do was back up his QB. He was just trying to pump up Russet Potato Wilson by deflecting the blame for last season's nuclear disaster onto Nate Can’t Hackett. 

Here are the quotes, I’m just gonna run through them quickly because they’re all amazing:

“It’s not just Russell. It was a (poor) offensive line. It might have been one of the worst coaching jobs in the history of the NFL. That’s how bad it was.”

“Everything I heard about last season, we’re doing the opposite.”

“There’s 20 dirty hands, for what was allowed, tolerated in the fricking training rooms, the meeting rooms. The offense. I don’t know Hackett. A lot of people had dirt on their hands. It wasn’t just Russell. He didn’t just flip. He still has it. This B.S. that he hit a wall? Shoot, they couldn’t get a play in. They were 29th in the league in pre-snap penalties on both sides of the ball.”

“It doesn’t happen often where an NFL team or organization gets embarrassed. And that happened here. Part of it was their own fault, relative to spending so much [expletive] time trying to win the offseason—the PR, the pomp and circumstance, marching people around and all this stuff.

“We’re not doing any of that. The Jets did that this year. You watch. Hard Knocks, all of it. I can see it coming. Remember when [former Washington owner] Dan Snyder put that Dream Team together? I was at the Giants [in 2000]. I was a young coach. I thought, ‘How are we going to compete with them? Deion’s [Sanders] there now.’ That team won eight games or whatever. So, listen…just put the work in.”

Damn Sean! Somebody pull Sean off of… well, pretty much everyone. I mean there are scorched earth interviews and then there’s this. He basically annihilated anyone not named Russet Potato Wilson. And yes, that included the Jets and new Jets OC Nate Can’t Hackett.

So of course those quotes were all gonna get run back to Bobby Receipts and of course Bobby Receipts was gonna respond to them.

Whoa whoa whoa, take a breath there Robert. I love how that response started with "I'm not gonna acknowledge Sean on that" only to respond and escalate: he went from zero to suffocating birds in about three second’s flate. There is so much gold in that clip I almost want to throw my guy Robert a golden ticket.

"If you ain't got no haters, you ain't poppin. So hate away."

"Obviously we're doing something right if you gotta talk about us when we don't play you til Week 4."

"There's a lot of crows pecking at our neck. But all you can do is spread your wings and keep flying high until those crows fall off and suffocate from the inability to breathe."

I don’t know what’s better honestly, Sean’s incredible firebombing of everything that happened in Denver before he got there or that response from Bob Saleh. But as amazing as Bob's clap back was, Jets tackle Billy Turner’s was even better. Billy was actually in Denver last year and clearly didn't agree with Payton's analysis of the situation, because he jumped on IG and wrote:

“Seems like someone started training camp and is trying to soften the blow after realizing what he’s in for this season. BLEEPING bum”. #Bountygate #childish

Except he didn’t use bleeping, that was an eff bomb. And that is an epic response. That is bum smack that I will absolutely allow. And encourage, even. Hashtag Bountygate. Hashtag childish. Hashtag legendary freaking clap back. 

Seriously, what’s better than this? You have coach on coach crime. You have player on coach crime. You have unhinged analogies. You have bum smack. You have shrapnel flying in every direction. You have a sack of potatoes being defended by a legendary coach. You have the charred remains of Nate Can’t Hackett coaching the Jets offense. And you have Robert Receipts taking note of all of it. And we’re what, three or four days into camp?

Saleh's right too, if you don't go no haters, you ain't poppin. And the Jets are definitely poppin. Say whatever you want about them right now but you can't deny, this team is poppin. I love it, and I also love Sean getting loose and letting it rip and trying to juice up Russet.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm glad football season is back, now get me to Week 1. Or better yet, get me to Week 4 in Denver for Jets v Broncos, Bob v Sean, Can't Hackett v Sack of Potatoes. CAN'T WAIT.

After the Sean Payton smack, I'm probably gonna put DeAndre Hopkins 2nd. For cracking our own Seanie...

If you're not following (and why you wouldn’t...) The Cablinasian cracked on DeAndre Hopkins (former Texan) by showing video of DeAndre practicing with the caption... "Rare footage of Deandre practicing"

Which then prompted a now-deleted response from Deandre:

"Just buy my jersey for your wife at this point, I'm sure she's tired of hearing my name in your sleep."

 Wife smack is usually in play in the Smackoff. I don't endorse it, but we allow it. It probably would score some points. Nothing about being Seanie being on Jenny Craig, Hop?

And credit to Austin Huff for screenshotting the delted tweet and captioning "Deandre Hopkins just out-smacked a 5x Smackoff champ"