Jose Alvarado Is The Best

It’s been a minute since I talked about your Phillies, Philly fan. But I’m sure you all remember how much I talked about your Phillies last fall, because that run your Phillies were on was a BLAST. And then, of course, they gagged and choked away a 3-1 lead in the NLCS. Which was also a lot of fun, for me at least, even if Philly fan was denied their horse pie sando feast and light pole climbing competition. 

My point is, I like this team. It’s no secret. I like this team and its crazy fan base. And after what went viral on social media yesterday, I like this team more than ever. And I also have a new favorite closer, even though he isn’t even officially the closer yet.

Officially, manager Rob Thomson has not named a new closer for the Phillies after Craig Kimbrel left for Baltimore. But there definitely should be a frontrunner. And that frontrunner should be Jose Alvarado. 

Yes, Jose does have some pretty filthy stuff, no doubt. And yes, he is coming off an utterly dominant, career season, also true. Two very good arguments as to why he should get the ball in the highest leverage spots this season.

But allow me to make a different argument. I’m gonna make the argument that he has the demeanor of a closer. Because clearly, my dude is comfortable in his own skin, comfortable with exactly who he is and what he brings to the table. And he doesn’t lack confidence either.

If you caught what Jose said while being interviewed live on the Phillies broadcast of their spring training game yesterday, you already know everything I just said about him is true. If you haven’t heard this yet, yes, this is real, this actually happened live on the Phillies TV broadcast yesterday.

Yes that was an eff bomb. He really just casually said that sometimes he calls to his people in the clubhouse and says, BRO, I FEEL LIKE A FAT BOY. I’M BLEEPING FAAAAAT.

Has a dude ever been so comfortable on the air? Has a dude ever been so comfortable being so fat? Has a dude ever been so comfortable, period??

You have to admire it, the bravado, the ownership, the casual way he just calls himself FAT BOY and BLEEPING FAT on BLEEPING live television. I know baseball isn’t exactly the most rigorous athletic activity, but this man is a professional athlete! Bragging on live television about how he brags to his teammates that he’s a FAT BOY and EFFING FAT.

Look, I know personal appearance is not technically show fodder, but it absolutely is if you make your own personal appearance show fodder. AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU DO IT AS A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE.  It absolutely becomes show fodder if you drop one of the all-time sound bites about your own personal appearance during a live broadcast.

This dude is clearly totally comfortable calling himself FAT, so I have no problem calling him FAT either. Or dropping a FAT alarm on his FAT head. 

I have no problem slowing down that clip and playing it over the Fat Alarm.

I also have no problem hitting him with the scratches Scott Ferrall FAT BLASTS in our catalogue over that slo mo version of Jose. 

In fact, I have no problem straight up adding the Grizzly Bear as a permanent member of Alvin's epic FAT ANNOUNCEMENT. 

The dude truly belongs up there in the rafters. I really do admire him so much. I admire the confidence. I admire that he embraces his inner fat when the rest of us are constantly fighting it. I admire that he can be a fat boy and an elite reliever at the same time. And that’s why they better give the save opportunities to my dude the Grizzly Bear this season. 

I don't want to hear about a committee, I don't want to hear about Orion Kerkerring. I just want the ball in Grizzly Bear's big FAT hands with the game on the line. Because yes, he has great stuff, and yes, he's coming off a great year, but most importantly... he's totally comfortable in his own FAT skin.