Jerruh-atric Says Cowboys Are All In

Yo Cowboy fan, you aight? Rough week much? I know a lot of you think I’m some big hater. And that’s such bullcrap. You know I don’t root, but you should also all be able to tell that deep down, I love your Dallas Cowboys. Deep down, your Dallas Cowboys are one of my favorite things in the world. Not only am I not a Cowboy hater, I'm a Cowboy lover.

Because you all know my loyalty is to Team Content. And nobody reps Team Content better than Team Cowboys. And, of course, Jerruh-atric Jones. AKA the owner, president and GM of Team Content. AKA the dude who spent this week sitting on those wrinkly  decrepit hands of his even though he promised the world he was “ALL IN.”

Remember that?? Remember when THEM COWBOYS were supposed to be ALL IN on this season? Then got their heads caved in at home as heavy favorites in the playoffs...matters.   Matters not at all, to geriatric, because he was quick to run his geriatric misdirection and let Cowboy fan know even though we got our brains beaten in by an underdog and a qb making his first playoff start, it’s all good because we’re all in on next season: never mind that his season was absolute disaster and disgrace: it’s actually all good because we’re all in.  Next year.  SO, forget that debacle because next year is THE year. 

Of course, my immediate comeback to that was, if you’re going to go ALL IN NOW, what the hell have YOU been doing this entire time? Why haven’t you been ALL IN all along? Were you not ALL IN last year? And the year before? And the year before that? And most importantly, what's gonna be different about next season?

Well, apparently, nothing. Because that’s pretty much what the Cowboys did this week. Despite allegedly being ALL IN. They were the only team in the league that sat Monday out and made zero signings during the first day of the legal tampering period. They then followed up that prolific performance by signing exactly one new player for exactly one year over the rest of the week. Good job, good effort Jerruh.

And look, I like Eric Kendricks, good player, experienced vet, Jungle mainstay and he snubbed the Niners for the Cowboys. So there’s that. But obviously, Cowboy fan was expecting more than just that this week. Hell we all were. Because of what geriatric said about them being all in. 

Because the words ALL IN aren’t very ambiguous are they? ALL IN is pretty simple. ALL IN means ALL IN. It means being aggressive and it means making big moves and it means selling out for the here and now.  It means pushing your chips to the center of the table: it means all in. No grey area or ambiguity there: all in means all in.   At least to the rest of us. 

What ALL IN means to Jerruh is anybody’s guess. Because it’s really hard to tell what it means based on his actions. And it’s even harder to tell based on his words. 

According to Jerruh, ALL IN means different things to different people.

Keep dragging those goalposts back Jerruh. Yeah, no kidding, clearly we have very different definitions. Everyone in the world has one definition, and then you have your definition.

My definition of all in is... All in. It’s pretty clear what it means. To me and everyone else on PLANET earth, all in is a really simple concept. It means ALL IN.

But to Mr. ALL IN, it’s some kind of complex equation. I mean, just listen to this dude try to explain HIS definition of all in.

If you can believe it, the Cowboys published this video themselves on their own social media channels. The definition of ALL IN includes nuance in the draft and free agents and the cap… no dude, the definition of all in is all in. The whole point of ALL IN is there IS no nuance.    You’re just all in. And it's usually really easy to tell.

Perfect example, the EFF THEM PICKS RAMS. They were all in. Was it hard to tell? No. Was it ambiguous? No. Was it nuanced? No. Did it work? Yes. That, Jerruh, is what it means to be ALL IN.

This is YOUR phrase by the way, nobody put those words in your mouth. You decided to volunteer to the world that you were ALL IN. And now you’re back peddling faster than Stephon Gilmore, who by the way you did not re-sign this week.

But maybe I’m just missing something in all Jerruh's word salad and nuance. Maybe an example would help. Jerruh, could you provide us with an actual example of what it means, in football terms, to be ALL IN? Since nobody saw any evidence of what you meant this week, maybe YOU could help us UNDERSTAND what the hell you’re talking about. 

Yeah, and we still have absolutely no idea what you meant when you said all in. Thanks for clarifying nothing. The only thing that explanation accomplished was giving everyone who listened to it a headache.

Just because you keep saying THAT’S ALL IN over and over again doesn’t make it make sense Jerruh. You might as well put it to the tune of those dorks from San Diego, because you sound just as RIDICULOUS.

Your example for your fans of what ALL IN means is signing three players for the price of one player, do I have that right? You're saying you didn't sign a player two years ago and then wound up with three players and THAT'S ALL IN? Huh?

I know, I know, cowboy fan, I’m a hater.  I’m a hater? Or your owner is a kook?  I’m a hater?  Or your owner is a kook.  And you’re not that bright; and you’re not, if you think I’m the the problem and your owner’s not.  You’re not that bright if you buying the bullcrap HE’S peddling and you’re ok with it. 

But at least Jerruh got some good news this week, because it turns that defamation suit from the woman who claims to be his biological daughter got dismissed again in court this week. So I guess I could say Jerruh... You are NOT the father! 

Except that's not actually what this means, the paternity suit is still pending. This was a separate defamation suit that got thrown out. So he still might be the father. Allegedly. And he still might have to take that paternity test and publicly admit it.

And that’s not all cowboy fan: at the risk of you thinking I’m hating again, I have more news to share with you: The cherry on top of this crap sando of a week in Big D was the announcement by the Dallas PD that they are investigating an alleged 2017 sexual assault involving Dak Prescott.

Dak's already filed an extortion claim against the woman and obviously I don't know what happened or didn't happen in the parking lot of XTC Cabaret 7 years ago. I just know it's never a good thing to see the name of your franchise QB in a headline with sexual assault and $100 mil extortion. Below not good. 

See, Cowboy fan, this is what I mean, I know it's been a week.  Just know as much as you want it to be or think it’s my fault, it’s not.  But even though think it is, I’m still here for you., call me, X me, email me. Hit me up. You somehow still buying Jerruh's crap? Or have you seen the light like Vince in ATX?