It's Draft Day!

Draft Day is finally here. Yo Detroit, how you livin? After all the speculation and self-promotion and all the nonsense and all the liquid magma takes and lava flinging, HERE THE BLEEP WE ARE.

I'm pumped, it's gonna be a wild night. The best drafts are the ones with tons of QBs and there are tons of QBs available tonight. The draft broadcast is gonna be like an Oprah segment... YOU GET A QB AND YOU GET A QB AND YOU GET A QB.  YOU ALLLLL GET A QB!

We'll see where everyone lands but the one thing we know for sure is at the very top of the draft, there’s NO CONTROVERSY.

It's gonna be Caleb Williams AKA if Prince played QB, going to the Bears. No, Chicago has not yet made it officially official. But Vegas basically has, they have Prince ERRR Caleb at -10,000 to go number one overall. 

Which is pretty crazy when you remember that the league is supposedly terrified of the guy because he’s kind of weird and he's like Prince playing QB. 

Credit the PABLO TORRE FINDS OUT POD FOR THAT. 

Still can’t get over how horrendous that take is. But I'm thankful for it because it gave us a wild show yesterday. If you're a Prince fan out there and you missed yesterday's show, you need to go back and listen to the whole thing, I promise it's worth it.

Back to you Chicago, I actually really hope that take is right. I hope you really are getting Prince the QB tonight when you draft Caleb Williams. Because if you really are drafting Prince the QB tonight, that means you’re finally getting the icon you’ve been waiting 70 years for. It will mean THE REVOLUTION is finally on for your franchise. 

What I'm saying is, Bears fan, you should be incredibly excited. You should be thrilled that the QB formerly known as Caleb Williams is just waiting somewhere right now, as I speak, counting down the minutes until Roger Goodell takes to the podium and gets his ass booed and Caleb can look up at the stage and tell Rog to CALL MY NAME. 

So again, no surprise expected at the top, and not a lot of controversy at #2 either. 

The Heisman winner Jayden Daniels is the heavy favorite to go to the Commanders. Only issue there is that Jayden Daniels hasn’t seemed all that excited to go to the Commanders. Especially not after that weird group QB visit stunt they pulled on him. 

Maybe #2 ends up being a surprise, but the third pick is where things get really good. AKA the first Patriots pick in decades that will NOT be made by Hood Man. Which is already a good start for you Half Chowd FAM, because Hood Man’s draft picks have been a disaster. You could even say The Hood’s drafting is the single biggest reason why The Hood’s legendary run in New England went up in flames. Either that or the time he alienated the owner by running the GOAT out the door just so he could immediately go win another Lombardi in Tampa. 

The Cardinals at number four should begin the wide receiver sweepstakes from a stacked wide receiver class. Unless yet another QB needy team trades up into this spot. If it's the Cardinals, they're expected to go wideout. And damn do they have some incredible options. I love Marvin Harrison Jr. I love Rome Odunze and not just because he’s got a great name. I’m down with Malik Nabers, dude is an absolute burner. 

Kinda hard to say the Cards can go wrong here, even if they do trade back. The real question from the fourth pick on is just how desperate are the remaining QB-needy teams? 

Looking at you, G-Men, you really satisfied with Bugyed Danny Turnovers? 

Looking at you Minnesota, are we really gonna try to win with Sam Darnold this year? 

Looking at you, Denver, because right now you have one of the worst QB rooms on paper in the history of pro football. 

And I'm starting right into the Autumn Wind... Raider Nation you need a QB and you're last in line. Which either means you're gonna have to get real aggressive or real lucky. Because as of this morning, you're picking behind all of those teams I just mentioned.

It's a massive pick for the Raider Nation but you know what might be the most important pick of the draft? The 24th pick. AKA the pick that belongs to Jerruh. Because Jerruh hasn’t done a damn thing to improve the team this offseason. So he better make #24 overall count. 

Just don't ask Jerruh why the Cowboys are picking 24th, at least not if you want to hear the correct answer to that question. 

Is this dude losing it? I'm serious, that didn't sound like a bit. That sounded like a confused old kook. Does Jerruh also think that the Bears are picking first because they were the best team in the NFL last year? Jerruh still can't figure out the reverse draft order after three decades in the league? Is that why he can’t figure out the definition of all in either?

But don't worry Cowboy fan, Jerruh is all in on the draft. Or maybe I should say, now is the time to be very worried Cowboy fan. Because if Jerruh is all in on the draft like he's been all in on this offseason, then you guys are gonna have a rough night.

Just because you say All In over and over again, doesn’t make it true Jerruh. In fact, it’s having the opposite effect. It’s calling attention to how far from all in you really are. 

Dude has been saying all in so many times it's probably lost meaning for him at this point. Like you know when you say something over and over again until it stops even sounding like a word anymore? And just sounds like weird meaningless gibberish to you? That’s where Jerruh is with the phrase all in. I mean it's always been gibberish to the rest of us but at this point I don't think Jerruh even knows what he's trying to say anymore. 
 

Doesn't inspire a ton of confidence on a massive night for the Cowboys. Then again, it's a massive night for everyone. So let me know, who do you want, who's gonna surprise us tonight, who is flying under the radar... hit me up, clones. It's draft day in the Jungle... LET'S GO CRAZY.