Danny Bugeyes

You know one of the rules around here is that personal appearance is not show fodder. But that is not a rule that exists on social media. In fact, on social media, personal appearance is basically the main fodder. Personal appearance is the best fodder.

Especially when you just have that one wild image that jumps out from your timeline and starts going viral and just keeps getting reposted and reposted. Unfortunately for Daniel Jones, he provided the internet with exactly that kind of image yesterday. And of course, the internet did what it does and had an absolute field day.

Personally, I think it’s unfair. And kinda cheap. And very lazy. Yes, he did show up to a press conference with his eyes bugging out yesterday. I can’t deny it. He looked like he had invisible clamps on holding his eyes open. He looked like that dude in Clockwork Orange, just without the crazy metal contraption. Like somehow his eyes were just naturally pried open. Which is somehow even freakier. Or maybe he had some invisible toothpicks.  Maybe he was channeling or paying tribute to the OG himself: the dude who made if fashionable to be all bug eyed and crap: Adam Gase.

Personally, while here to acknowledge it, I’m not here to bury for it. Because again, while the internet had a field day WITH IT, here, that’s personal appearance smack. And I don't need to talk about the dude's appearance to talk about Giants football. There is plenty to say about Danny Bugeyes without crushing him for his bugging eyeballs. 

What exactly is the dude supposed to do about his giant bugging eyeballs, anyway? I know you all had your fun on the X. I know everyone was saying Danny was doing his best Adam Gase. Or doing a Reche Caldwell in the Super Bowl. They were glossing him Danny Deer in Headlights. It was brutal. And again, I’m not here to pile on.

It's not fair to hit Danny Turnovers for his bizarre giant bulging eyeballs. But it's totally fair to hit Danny Turnovers for being Danny Turnovers. Especially since it’s created a giant headache for the G-pupils, errrr G-men and how to proceed this offseason.

Danny Fumbles and Interceptions and eventually glaucoma is still confident though, don't let those sketchy ass bugging out eyeballs fool you. Danny thinks that he’s the best QB for the Giants. He said it himself while his eyes were popping out of his head yesterday. 

You better be dude! You better be their best option going into the season... Considering the Giants are about to chip you off $35.5: they’re not giving you that bag because your eyes bugging the hell out your head.

This dude has the third highest base salary in the NFL for this season. He’s 10th in the NFL in total cash coming his direction for 2024. The guy is gonna make more money this year than Lamar Jackson. And Josh Allen. And Dak Prescott.  

So yeah, he better be the Giants best option. And also, what else is he supposed to say? How is Danny Bugeyes supposed to answer the question “Do you feel like you're the best QB the Giants can have to start the season?” What's his answer supposed to be? Ehhh, let’s not get into that just yet? 

Or just imagine if he said nah, I’m actually really into this Drake Maye kid. If he’s around at six, I would grab him and I would start him. I mean, guys, have you seen me play? I know my eyes are scary but you should check out my quarterbacking. It’s horrifying. 

Hey Danny are you the best QB the Giants can have to start the season? No man, I’m actually the third best option of the three right now, I mean who wouldn’t want to see Drew Lock get a real shot? And if not Drew, then I would say let Tommy Cutlets start. At least Tommy Cutlets is fun. If we’re gonna get our ass kicked, wouldn’t it be way more entertaining to do it with Tommy Cutlets than with my boring, vanilla, bug eyed ass?

Obviously, there was no other way for Danny Deer in Headlights to answer that question. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t an interesting question for the Giants. As is the question of what to do with that sixth pick.

You could take a QB, but it’s also possible the top four qb’s are all gone by the sixth pick. But if you pass at the chance to take a QB, or if a QB doesn’t fall to you at 6, then what? Then you’re looking at running back Danny Gase for $30 mil plus yet again? Which does not exactly seem like a good plan. In fact, it sounds like a bad plan. It sounds like a terrible plan.  Even Danny Caldwell would admit that. Oh one bonus thought on Daniel Gase, and remember, personal appearances are not show fodder, but tell me this dude doesn’t’ also look like a bug eyed Jim Carrey. Tell me he doesn’t and I’ll tell you to open up your freaking eyes: as wide as Daniel Carrey’s.

See, there's plenty to say about Daniel Deer in Headlights and the Giants besides ripping the dude for his crazy eyes on a press conference. And I just proved it. So I don't need your personal appearance smack emails and X's with more nicknames, clones, save it. But if you have a take on what the Giants should do about their QB conundrum, you know where to find me.  Now, THAT I am here for.