2024 Masters

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but winning the Masters is not supposed to be easy. It’s not supposed to be a casual, chilled out April stroll through a beautifully manicured masterpiece of a golf course. It’s not supposed to be the kind of thing you do without any drama or any twists or turns. It’s not supposed to be something you pull off without your expression or pulse ever changing one time the entire weekend.

Which is why I’m personally so impressed with Scottie Scheffler. We all know the rap on this guy… he’s too dull. He’s too boring. He's Sleepy Scottie.. And my whole thing is… right… that’s why it’s so incredible.  Fact is, not everyone is going to have a big, fat, disingenuous personality like Hefty. You can’t make Scottie something he’s not.  And by the way, part of the reason, a big part of the reason this dude is going to go down as arguably the best player of this generation is because he’s is a flat-line; because he never changes expression, because nothing affects this dude.  If you don’t like this cat’s vibe or the fact that he doesn’t even have one, as mike Tyson famously said, change your station (insert) because this dude isn’t going anywhere: and right now, it’s Scheffler and everyone else.  And given that he already has two green jackets, it’s a not question of if he gets another one, but how many more he gets.  I can literally guarantee if this dude doesn’t bounce his escalade off a tree in the middle of night, and his wife doesn’t take a nine to his grill, he’ll double the green jackets he already has.  He that’s good and his game and mind are that suited for that track.  And we know dude isn’t bouncing his rig off any tree and his wife isn’t going to stick his face in the turf and break out the nine.  He doesn’t really give a damn that you’re not entertained. Nor should he

But Rome... The most interesting thing about that dude’s weekend was that his wife almost had a baby and he almost had to vacate the lead and leave to join his wife… except none of that happened. AKA, the most interesting thing about the dude’s weekend was something that didn’t even happen. 

RIGHT. That’s MY point. My point is this dude just rolled into Augusta as the number one ranked golfer in the world and the huge favorite to win and then he just straight up dominated both the course and the field for the entire weekend. It’s incredible. He basically UCoNN’ed the Masters. He made one of the hardest things look like one of the easiest things. 

It's funny to me that some people find this kind of dominance and excellence unsatisfying. Even funnier to me that those people apparently include Scottie Scheffler. Check out this line from his post-win presser.

Some people would say watching this dude play professional golf is also endlessly unsatisfying. But again, personally, I love that attitude. I love this energy. I love watching him dominate the Masters while barely breaking a sweat. And then turning around in the press conference afterwards and basically shrugging his shoulders and saying, can I go home now? 

Dude reminded me of Joker freaking out after the NBA Finals last year when he found out he had to stick around for a parade. These dudes just aren't interested in basking in glory. They thrive on snatching souls not basking in glory. They're just different kinds of cat.

Speaking of Cat… we saw plenty of Cat this weekend, mates. And we also saw Cat in a place where we've never seen Cat before… last place. DFL. Dead freaking last.  Except freaking is not the word we go with. DFL of those who made the cut. 60th place, to be exact.

Well he did make the cut so technically he was just last among the golfers who made it to the weekend. And Tiger was doing pretty ok until he got to the weekend. And then that's when the wheels fell off. He's just lucky his wheel didn't actually literally fall off, because that right ankle looks like it's holding on for dear life when he's out there. 

TEN over par for Tiger on Saturday, FIVE over par yesterday, giving him a final SIXTEEN OVER PAR score. Sixteen over for Tiger at the Masters... That isn’t just his worst-ever performance at Augusta, that’s his worst ever 72-hole score in his entire career. 

So obviously, abstaining from wrestling didn’t help. If the NY Post scoop is to be believed, refraining from getting nice backfired BIG TIME for Tiger. Judging by the results of his little experiment, the dude should have been way MORE wrestling over the weekend. Tiger, never forget that sex is undefeated. I can't believe I have to remind you that, of all people. But I did try to warn you last week, I warned you that you would be tweaking  and going through withdrawals by the time you hit Amen Corner on Sunday IF YOU ABSTAINED.

It really was just painful to watch the Cat limp around the course this weekend. He couldn’t be more opposite of Scott Scheffler in that way. Scheffler makes it all look easy and effortless, Tiger makes it all look like it’s the most excruciating thing in the world. Tiger looks like he’s not even gonna make it to the next hole.

But at least he had an awesome Sunday pairing, because incredibly enough he was paired with the high amateur, Neal Shipley. Can you even imagine, dude is an Ohio State grad student who was the only amateur to make the cut, then he finds himself in a Sunday pairing with the Man in Red.? Talk about surreal. 

And from the looks of it, Tiger wouldn't leave the kid alone either. He was talking the kid's ear off. And apparently, allegedly, even passed a note at one point. Although Shipley unequivocally denied that after the round. In a denial that was totally convincing and totally believable. 

Ok two things… there absolutely was a note and I need to know what that note said. The obvious would just be a phone number, Tiger passed it along like “hey kid I’m still not getting nice so you should have it.” Seriously though, it could have been anything.

But something tells me it wasn't a note to remind the kid to wish Verne Lundquist a happy retirement. Something tells me the note was not that wholesome. Even if CBS' sendoff was incredibly wholesome and heartfelt and the broadcast TV version of NICE NICE NICE RADIO.

It was a great send off for an utter and total legend. The tournament will never be the same without his voice on the broadcast. So it was really good to see that icon get the respect he deserves.

Unlike the Piano Man. CBS was amazing to Verne but they did Billy Joel so dirty last night. Good of them to air his 100th show at MSG, but absolutely brutal to have that broadcast end like this. 

That's real... CBS really ran the Piano Man for the 11 o'clock news. All that was missing was the manual buzzer. It might as well have sounded like this. 

Be like pulling the plug in the middle of the Bruce Springsteen doing born to run.  Or hooking the Beatles in the middle of let it be.  Hate to be this guy, but since I’m not a huge Billy Joel guy or a jersey guy, I thought it was pretty hilarious, certain more hilarious than my dude jumping curb his car and ending up in someone’s living room.